Nov. 2020 Meetup Recap

This month, we shifted to a shorter, simplified format to accommodate a better virtual discussion and our conversation was very powerful.

A big lesson I learned in the last six months was that there are times authenticity isn’t helpful, and it blew my mind. That was the foundation of our conversation, which started with defining genuine authenticity.

If you are seeking authenticity, it looks like accepting your whole self. At times, it’s imperative that we adapt to situations, however if we ever fall into the trap of becoming someone we are not as a result of comparison or trying to fit in, it creates a disingenuous identity. I’ve talked a lot about this in Reverse Women, because it’s how and why Reverse began (my own journey of living a double life or changing who I was depending on who I was around on a consistent basis). If you feel like you aren’t at one with yourself whether it be due to your upbringing, past abuse, comparison, or any number of reasons, I encourage you to process through that with a professional or trusted friend.

I have seen more and more this year, the degrading of others, disrespect, and malice all in the name of “authenticity”. This, my friend, is mismanagement or misuse of the heart of authenticity. It is important to know your values and be able to have an opinion, however authenticity does not mean to alienate or abuse others that have different opinions. Phrases like “that’s just who I am” or “I’m just being authentic” used as justification are not okay - that isn’t authenticity.

Lastly - my big lesson - when authenticity isn’t helpful. This summer, I got Covid, and I kept that diagnosis extremely guarded for several months for a number of reasons - the judgment, the speculation, and what I’ll call the leper mentality (no one wants to come near you for like… ever). In speaking with a trusted friend, I told her I felt like I wasn’t being authentic by intentionally not sharing about it. Her response was that in this situation or for the time being, would it be helpful to share? And for me, the answer was no… it would just make me more defensive and make other people scared to be around me, leading to further feelings of isolation.

I share this now to express what Brené has often talked about - you don’t have to share every detail of your life in order to be authentic. Authenticity is about being vulnerable, knowing your values, and fully accepting who you are at your core - not to then put yourself on open display. If you are meant to share something, you will feel at peace with sharing it.

I’m so grateful for our conversation today and for the things we were able to share together. Talk soon.